I fell in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way...
Oh yes !! I fell in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way. She’s so sweet and wonderful and has always been so nice to me, and never anything less, but she just doesn’t feel about me how I feel about her.
I have to accept that it’s not because she secretly hates me. She isn’t terrified of me, she doesn’t think I’m gross, and she doesn’t make fun of me behind my back. Or so I hope lol. You can’t really decide who you are attracted to or who you fall in love with, and for whatever reason, outside of my control and outside of hers, she just doesn’t feel that way about me.
That’s so hard to accept though. We have common interests and I believe we have a lot of similar values. We want to do similar things with our lives. And beyond this, I feel this connection to her that I can’t explain. I’ve had lots of crushes and lots of people I wanted to be with, but something deep inside me tells me I HAVE to be with her. Forever. I need to drown that voice out because I have to leave her the choice of whether to give me a chance.
I don’t think I’m ugly. I think I look fine and most people would consider me to be nice, smart, and funny. People like to tell me I’m “chill” or “cool,” which I find funny because they can’t see the chaos inside my head. It bothers me that despite all we have in common and whatever positive qualities I have, she still doesn’t like me enough. Maybe she’s just attracted to a different type of person, or she doesn’t want to start a relationship now, or for any number of reasons. But it feels like I’m not enough.
I may be good enough for other people. Other people may find me handsome or clever or they may want to date me or they may fall in love with me, but I don’t care anymore because I wasn’t good enough for her. I wish I could know what was wrong with me to her. I wish I could get another chance. I never wanted someone like this before and what are the odds I’ll find someone so perfect again? I have to move on but ugh.
I’m starting to feel the only way out now is just getting my feelings for her to go away as much as I can so my heart will be open to other people…
