You are not alone !(But I am alone)

It’s very common to reassure people by saying “you are not alone.” I have said this on a few occasions. But after a while, after you’ve heard it 1000 times and yet you’re still suffering by yourself with no friendly human contact for the last 2 years, the phrase “you are not alone” becomes a painful stab, mocking your isolation.

I understand why people say it. They are speaking in general, rhetorical terms. “There are others suffering like you” is what they mean. But for those of us who are dying of emptiness, who can’t remember the last time we sat with a human across a table from us, or actually felt a human touch… WE ARE ALONE. Every last one of us, alone, alone, horribly alone. Words on a screen are not human contact.

I feel alone here. I feel utterly alone here. I’ve prayed to God to take this feeling away, but it keeps getting worse. All I want to do is cry. Sometimes I feel like I want to die. I pray to God to just take me home. Let me go to sleep and wake up and I’m back with my family. I just want to wake up and be home with mom, dad, and my family.

As I write this, a song comes to mind

Well, I’m tired and so weary

But I must go along

Till the Lord comes and calls me away

There will be peace in the valley

For me someday

There will be peace in the valley

For me

Oh Lord I pray

There’ll be no sadness

No sorrow

No trouble I see

There will be peace in the valley for me

I’m waiting for that peace in the valley.

I’m waiting for it so bad

I don’t know if it will ever come for me.